As a little girl I watched my mother choose the burnt toast, lamb chops, pancakes or anything else that didn’t make the grade with us kids. It’s really hard for me to write about my mother because of the guilt I feel for not being totally grateful for my ‘Princess’ upbringing.
My Mum lived for her four children and would sacrifice anything it seemed, to give us everything she thought we needed.
So why do I have a hang up about my Mum? What did I learn from her giving to us before herself?
The very fact that she didn’t think enough of herself to insist on some of the good stuff some of the time taught me that grown up women don’t really deserve the best. Funny thing is, I didn’t realise this until well into my married life. I too, took on that role of sacrificial lamb. The one that didn’t get a hair cut because money was tight so I was our family hair dresser. The one that always made sure my husband got the best cut of meat on his plate. I became my mother living a life of resentment because I didn’t want to settle for second best but I thought it was the way a good mother and wife should be.
I’ve already mentioned that my Princess life gave me little to complain about so I felt it my duty to suck up the resentment and carry on pretending to be the authentic giving Mother. Somewhere along the line in time, I began to see that if I continued to put myself last all the time, my daughters would lack self respect and my son, as a man, may take on an inflated sense of entitlement. You see, I was the only one putting myself in that situation, so I was the only one who could make the change.
Little by little I began to treat myself better. I looked after my health. I insisted on doing things that made my heart sing. I educated myself so I could start my own business. I worked ON my marriage rather than IN it. I listened to wise women that had followed a path of self love. My self esteem grew and I was proud of myself. By doing this, my daughters now know that they are worthy of a Princess Life. They accept with grace and gratitude the care and pampering their partners offer. My son understands that his wife will not be an old fashioned cook and clean stay at home Mum. He knows that at some stage he could be Mr Mum.
Women are great role models for both boys and girls. When we choose self respect we are enabling the next generation to embrace their own self worth and demand respect from others.
So don't eat the burnt toast. Claim some time for yourself and learn to live the life of your dreams!
Be the change you want to see in the world!
With Love, Christine T - Mother Wise
They come to us with no expectations. Their basic needs can be met by anyone, but the love of a mother figure seems essential for them to flourish.
Can Mother love be replaced by a father?
What's the damage if you're not feeling the love?
How will they know you are trying your best?
Well, I believe it's in your eyes, your touch and the way you speak to them.
I also believe a great father with genuine, all in commitment, can love and mentor their child to adulthood.
Can you fake this stuff?
I think it's worth a try. The alternative is likely to manifest into problems fairly quickly.
These are some topics close to my heart and I'm super close to getting more blog posts out.
Haha! Who'd have thought?
Keep an eye out - our website is in construction but will soon be fully functional with more ramblings like this.🌷
With love CT x
While contexts change, as humans our joys are the same and our hurts are the same. I wrote this post about 6 months ago, after losing our baby at the 18 week mark, and finally finding the courage to see that there were in fact just as many yummy lovely emotions as there were dark and sad ones. This is a taste of some of the topics you will read about here, and a good reminder for anyone who has ever lost a baby (or a few like us), you never forget, but it does get easier if you continue to see the light, and let go of the sad. xx Lori
AJ and I were sitting in the waiting room of the women's imaging place, a little shocked that we were pregnant again.
This was the fourth time in 2 years we had fallen pregnant. Each time was an accident (thats right folks, it is not safe to use the same toilet in our place!!). Its seems that AJ and I are ‘da bomb at bumping uglies to create a baby, but for some reason our odds of me being able to bake them to the end are not so great.
Each time that hadn’t worked out, we justified our loss by saying “lucky, because we weren’t really ready” or “we haven't saved enough, lucky it didn’t work” or “maybe it was too soon after the last anyway”. The reality was we were ready and wanted every single baby we had lost.
When Rhea made her presence known via the little blue line on the stick, we were truely shocked. We were really distant from each other at that stage, and definitely not “making love”, let alone bumping uglies frequently enough to be making a baby. I swear we would have only had sex twice since the last miscarriage. So while we were shocked, we were not unhappy. We so desperately wanted this little unplanned stowaway.
The sonographer called my name, introduced herself as Heidi. Heidi led us to the same room where they had told us our last baby had died. Immediately all the emotions came flooding back. I was feeling really positive, so absolutely blindsided by the fear that immediately started messing with my hopeful vibe. I consciously pulled myself together, acknowledged my fear but mowed over it. I said "this room has bad memories for us, let's hope today we make some really great new ones". Heidi smiled and said “I’m sorry to hear that. Yes let's!".
"How pregnant are you?" she asked. "Oh, about 6 weeks I think”. She put the warm lube on my tummy and immediately the screen filled up with really busy arms and legs!! “Holy Sh*t!” I said!! I couldn’t help it, and I knew straight away that those were not the arms and legs of a 6 week old embryo. Heidi smiled and said “Ahhhh, by the look of that little body, I would say you are a bit further along than 6 weeks!”. She measured the little head to rump distance and confirmed that we were 10.5 weeks pregnant. I immediately teared up and squeezed AJ's hand. We were both amazed. That little heart was beating flat out and the little body was oh so busy!!
In that split second, right there, I fell in love. This tiny little thing on the screen was so loved, so welcome and so wanted from that very second. In that moment I didn’t know she wouldn’t make it. I didn’t even know she was a “she” at that moment.
There will be more stories about the fact she didn’t make it, and about all the other interlocking parts - but that moment of hope, aspiration and pure love was so yummy that it needed to be my first post here.
It’s really easy to get consumed, lost even in other big emotions like fear, grief and loss. The yummy emotions deserve air time too and finding Rhea that very first time was equal parts hope, aspiration and pure love that I want to revisit when the big emotions become all too much.
Do you have a yummy moment you can recall before your loss? Share with me xx